Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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