Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
