I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i believe in u and ur pee
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
