Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
