She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
