CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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