When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
