I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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