it was like eating out sand paper
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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