Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
