once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
