Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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