There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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