So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
