the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
