Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
