I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Send help, water and tortillas.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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