I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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