I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
