I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
