i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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