I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
