I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
