She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Randomize
