just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
