apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
