Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
