i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
