a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
