The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
