I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
