I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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