you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
