Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize