If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
