i may or may not be watching the land before time
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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