I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
