i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
