Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize