So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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