Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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