I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
