I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
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You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
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We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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