We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize