Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my phone needs a breathalizer
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Drake has all the answers
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
