thus making me awesome and them whores
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
