Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
