I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
