I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
