So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How does it feel to date your dad?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
