i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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