he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
