the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
