I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
