I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
