I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
BRING THE BAGELS
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
