Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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