pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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