First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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