Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He did a backflip because drugs
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
