yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
