how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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