He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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