You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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