i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize