We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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