OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
