you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
