Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
