are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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