Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
