Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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