Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
